8. It will help me fill up the spare poster space on my wall next to the one of Samuel L. Jackson’s San Andreas character.

7. As Carl Johnson put it, what can I say? I’m a bad man.

6. Explosions rule. Especially when there are a lot of them.

5. The graphics are better than how the average 80 year old sees the real world.

4. Rockstar realizes that loading screens suck; I refuse to wait the extra 7 seconds for my orgasmic gaming experience.

3. This game is sure to get Jack Thompson’s panties (as well as those of his cohorts) in a bigger bunch than Hot Coffee, and I’m a fan of anything that pisses him and his buddies off.

2. We’ve all dreamed of the existence of a game that has a full and realistic city where you can interact with essentially everything, kill people for no reason, run from cops that are actually semi-intelligent, complete single-player missions or just generally screw around, and do it all in stunning graphics and with the ability to go online and play with a bunch of other similarly-minded folk. GTA4 is that game.

1. Purchasing the services of, killing, and then reclaiming your money from hookers is, always has been, and always will be an enjoyable activity.