So I was surfing around and I stumbled on a site that lets you rate your neighbors, especially focusing on the bad ones. I’m sure there are a bunch of similar websites and I’m sure they all have some funny posts (many of which could be fake, I know), but these are the Top 9 because I said so. If you find some other especially hilarious ones, please feel free link to them in the comments. I might revisit this if there are enough really good ones.

9. Smelly Asian Cooking - While I can personally relate to this guy’s issue, I find it hard to believe that it could be to such an extent as to require advertising around the internet. On the plus side, a commenter had a bright idea: Don’t get mad, get a glad bowl go over there and ask for some orange chicken, and fried rice lol!

8. My crack induced white female neighbor - She’s racist, told me and my girlfriend to “go back to your country, you come here and started taking over everything”. I told her to “quit smoking crack and go back to school you might learn something because last time I checked Hawaii is part of the United States”. I really don’t understand what Hawaii has to do with a lady trying to take over your parking space because it’s closer. Honestly, the best part of this one is the title; it just rolls off the tongue.

7. Hotties!!! - This one is actually a positive review which seems odd for a site called RottenNeighbor.com, but who am I to judge. Apparently, somebody thinks that some hot guys live there. Luckily, we have a commenter to fill us in: Ya i think oscar delahoya lives there!!! Oh and a short asian midget guy!! wooo–hooo!!! The bald ones taken though, shell kick some ###!

6. Brandon is a smelly guy - This kid smells so bad that you can find his house in the dark, according to a commenter.

5. Psycho and Mental woman - She can’t stand other kids not giving attention to her daughter. She’s a back stabbers as well. She will smile at your face and stab you when your not looking. Please be aware of Sandy! It’s sad that her husband doesn’t have the balls to even say a word to prevent her from damaging our friendly neighborhood. Shame of you Michael! Either an avid fan of Dr. Phil or the man himself must’ve written this one. Really, who knew that it was possible to be both psycho and mental at the same time? It’s also good to see the high quality of grammar that Burbank, CA, can be proud of.

4. Cult Neighbors - They say “they come”, “they are co”, “they are right”, “they are God”, the last is a delusion of grandure. Given my knowledge of psychology they are in a fuge state of schizophrenia, with psychopathic tendencies. Looks like the people in this neighborhood of Arizona are equally bad at spelling, grammar, and fake psychology as the people in Burbank. Hell, I think they’re worse. Seriously, what the hell is “they are co” supposed to mean?

3. Loud Ignorant People - This is a generic rant about crappy neighbors. The value of this one is in the comments: Take them a fruitcake and twirl a toothbrush or two around in your butt. Works for me. The next morning you’ll wake up all refreshed its wonderfull. I can’t say that I have personal experience with the toothbrush-in-butt technique, but it certainly sounds like it’s worth a try.

2. Wear a freaking robe man… - This guy doesn’t actually have a complaint about the quality of his neighbors, just about the length of their bathrobes. A commenter provided some highly unnecessary insight: Admit it - you like to look at the dangly bit. In retrospect, you’d think that the guy could just leave a note for the dangling culprit.

1. CRAZY Neighbor - This is the one that started it all. When I read it and saw the comments, it inspired me to find the other ones in this post. Constantly slams desk drawers and stumps around the work area. Has also been known to argue with his hat. Of course, I am left with only two questions: 1. As asked in the comments, how does one “stump around”? and 2. Why doesn’t he get a different (and preferably nicer) hat?