Because when you wake up and realize that you missed your exam, you will come to another realization very shortly afterwards: using the same old ‘car accident’ or ’sick/dead relative’ excuse probably isn’t going to fly.
6. “Sorry, professor. I was sitting in my room during the exam contemplating the notion that one should only circle ‘C’ on multiple choice tests because it is most likely to be correct. First, I considered the mathematics of it…you know, the real probabiliy of ‘C’ being correct or not. Then I thought about the moral issues related to comitting such an act. Technically, it’s cheating. But in the long run, if you were to extrapolate this action years down the line, failing this course could be taking food away from the mouths of the kids that I may or may not have. Please, don’t starve my invisible maybe-kids.”

5. “What do you mean I didn’t show up?! I thought you were coming to me!“

4. “I just couldn’t do it…I just couldn’t bring myself to ace that exam so hard it would make the nerds’ nipples leak. And so, I decided to skip the exam entirely, for everyone’s sake. I hope you understand.”

3. [This one requires a face-to-face with the professor and the help of a friend or two that can dress up like a convincingly evil person. When you go meet with your professor, you should act like you ran there and are out of breath (or actually run there, I guess).] “Sorry, professor. I know this may sound hard to believe, but there are people after me. I can’t really tell you exactly why right now, but I’m sure th–” *CUE CHASE SCENE* [Your friends run in and chase you and all of you run out, leaving the professor behind and confused.]

2. “Oh, you didn’t hear? I recently became a bit of an web celebrity, or welebrity if you will. We’re not really expected to do things like final exams and such. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll catch on to all this internet stuff some day!” [This one works especially well on older professors who don't really get the internet.]

1. “I don’t really think of it as me missing a final. I see it as the final missing me.“