6. You hold your pencil in a goofy fashion. By the time you were being taught cursive, your teachers should’ve been getting the fingers on appropriate sides of the pencil. If you’re in a 300 level international relations lecture and you still take notes like some kind of trained ape, you’re an idiot.

5. You keep your head ridiculously close to the paper whenever writing. You know what I mean; those people that lower their heads to literally just one inch above their notebooks. I’m not quite sure why it’s done, possibly to be that much closer to napping position. Whatever the reason, it’s stupid. I’m pretty sure that John Hancock wasn’t rubbing his face all up and down the Declaration of Independence when he was doing his deed.

4. Your paper has to be turned ninety degrees, or perpindicular to you, for you to write. Agin, stupid. Again, Declaration of Independence example.

3. You bring your fancy laptop computer only to Facebook (yes, it’s a verb) and shop eBay for the best deals on Uggs. Whatever your specific situation is, somebody worked or is working hard to pay for your tuition, books, and even that portable computational device of yours. Make use of what you’re paying for, because then you can actually be justified when you bitch about how expensive college is.

2. Come to class only to sleep through 98% of it very conspicuously. Every college student doses off in some class at some point, but this is for those people that always do it…all the time…in every class…and then usually complain about how hard their life is. Whether it’s shotgunning energy drinks or running outside and jumping into the nearest body of water, do whatever you need to get through it…or else I’ll use my steel-toed boots as your alarm clock.

1. You contribute to the discussion to get attention, but you don’t actually say anything new or interesting. “Yeah, well I, like that guy over there, think that, uh, Hitler was a manipulative but, uh, bad guy. He was, like, pretty smart in some ways, but, then, he ended up killing himself…so that was kinda stupid. Uh, yeah.” Maybe you should take a note from Hitler and give up now. You don’t have to kill yourself, but do us all a favor and don’t try to talk in class.

7. His real name is Ned Arnel Holness. Well, actually his birth certificate says “Ned Arnel Mencia” but that’s only because his real dad didn’t love him enough…or possibly too much. I actually don’t really know or care what the deal is but the point is that his name certainly isn’t Carlos. The other point is that anybody with that much confusion about their name must be running from or hiding something…or just plain stupid. I would say all of the above are true in this case.

6. He’s not Mexican. Okay, his mother is Mexican, but his father is Honduran and you never hear him talk about that. In fact, he was born and lived in Honduras as a child, not Mexico. And now he lives in Los Angeles. Apparently at some point between Honduras and the United States, he stopped to take a piss in Mexico and decided that, from then on, he would convince everybody that he was Mexican through and through.

5. He steals jokes. Bouncing ideas off each other and learning from the experiences of others are good techniques in any career, but that’s not what this guy does. He just steals jokes from actual comedians like George Lopez, Bobby Lee, and even Bill Cosby. Props to Joe Rogan for confronting him about it.

4. His “in your face” style fails miserably (in all aspects). He does his best (which is sad in and of itself, by the way) to attack issues like racism and politics with a scathing attitude, but his points are about as strong as Comedy Central’s programming was after SNL and Chapelle’s Show left but before Futurama came. You want “in your face” comedy? Walk around the slums at 2am on a Wednesday night with a five dollar bill taped to a string dragging it 10 feet behind you. As you notice the bums and crackheads scurry after it, you’ll be laughing far more than this so-called “comedian” ever accomplishes with his audiences.

3. He’s not at all intelligent. This relates to his failing at the “in your face” style of comedy; you can’t cleverly comment on issues in the real world if you can’t even understand them in the first place. This results in his “jokes” either being not funny (as is usually the case) or reminding me of 3rd grade with their remedial logic and poor delivery. Mexicans are cheap labor and often work landscaping jobs? Bahahaha, I remember when Billy told me a joke about that on the bus after school…

2. He’s just not funny, period. He’s like a truck driver that never got a driver’s license. He can’t properly do any impressions and his stories that are supposed to end in an uplifting life lesson are so shitty that even comparing them to those cheesy after-school specials would be too much of a compliment. It’s high time for him to fall back on his electrical engineering degree that he got in college (no wonder he’s not funny).

1. He’s like a female version of Lisa Lampanelli. Enough said.

In case you didn’t already guess, much of the source information for this can be found on Wikipedia. For those of you who claim Wikipedia is not reliable because it’s just put together by a bunch of random computer nerds, that’s why it has a references section at the bottom, you idiot.

5. Technology news has become much more mainstream. It’s all over TV, magazines, and countless websites (with countless new ones popping up everyday). It used to be that you would actually have to do some snooping to find out the latest and greatest information, but these days it is practically thrown in our faces.

4. Recent technological advances (like the $100 laptop, for example) have made much of the news seem less important. It’s like hearing about car crashes on the local TV station; it means something to somebody, but when you look at the big picture, car crashes occur all the time so it is impossible to actually care about every single one. To put it another way, whether you have a $100 laptop or $10,000 Alienware powerhouse, you still go to the same internet with the same broadband speed and watch the same Youtube videos.

3. Not surprisingly, many of the sources where I used to get my news became increasingly commercialized. They start out as small outfits that work really hard to provide quality and unbiased information about all aspects of the technology world. Then their hard work ‘pays off’ and they grow, attracting the attention of the tech companies who see them as prime opportunities to push their products. Thanks to that increased revenue, they stop working as hard, decrease quality, increase bias, and generally suck more. It’s as if the perfect technology news source is an oxymoron that can’t really exist for any significant period of time.

2. The capabilities of consumer-level technology are actually meeting all of my needs. A few years ago, each new advancement in graphics, CPUs, RAM, or internet service meant that I was that much closer to being able to play whatever video game held my attention at the time. Of course, there are still games and other software that push the limits of current hardware, but it seems as though there aren’t as many and they aren’t pushing the limits as hard.

1. Recent technological progress seems to be focusing less on actual capabilities and more on aesthetics. I feel like I should’ve seen this one coming because, after all, you can make phones, laptops, and other techy gadgets only so small before they become unusable or so fast before the difference becomes unnoticeable. Now, with the avenue of ever-shrinking techno-toys coming to a dead end, companies are trying to find new ways to package up and interact with the same damn device. I don’t care if you can sneeze at your computer and it will tell you the turn-by-turn directions to Chattanooga in a foreign language while simultaneously teaching you said language…can you check your &^%#ing email on it?

7. She was put to shame in front of our entire country just about a decade ago. Of course Bill was president and he was the one that actually did the dirty deed(s), but he was already comfortably installed as president well before anything hit the news about those transgressions. Hillary, on the other hand, has been associated with the debacle for the last 10 years.

6. There are only so many pantsuits on the world. The way she goes through them, we would run out by her 3rd month in office.

5. She just looks downright insane. I’m sure you could find insane looking pictures of every prominent politician, but it just seems to be so much easier with Hillary. I mean seriously…come on. And her clothes are equally puke-inducing.

4. Apparently, Nancy Pelosi eats her out. You know that feeling of confusion and disgust that you probably have right now? It’s Hillary’s fault.

3. Speaking of which, going by just her first name is simply not cool. She’s going to have to wear something a lot more spicy than a pantsuit to match the level of Madonna or Cher.

2. Imagine what she would look like after serving as president. If she’s at all like every other president ever, she’ll get a noticeable amount of grey hair and wrinkles…blegh…chills just ran down my spine…

…and the number one practical reason why Hillary should drop out is:

1. Because by the time you actually read these words (depending on how quickly this spreads around), there is a significant chance that she will have already dropped out.

6. It can lead to physical problems. Carpal tunnel, weakened eyesight, stress-related symptoms; the list goes on…

5. There is a noticeable social stigma. You know how it is, people who don’t run websites just don’t get it and can be distant. Yet you can find somebody else that does run websites and connect with them, even if you’ve never met before.

4. If you’ve been doing it for at least 5 years or so, you’re considered an old veteran. You’re also considered somewhat insane.

3. It takes up a bunch of your spare time for a relatively unnecessary activity. Sure, you could argue that building and maintaining websites has some beneficial aspects, but that’s just a modified version of the medical marijuana argument.

2. In many cases, it starts off as just a casual hobby but ends up in a business venture. On a side note, when will drug dealers start accepting Paypal?

1. You have no problem spending money on it, even though it’s money that you probably shouldn’t be spending. What’s the harm in buying just one more domain name? I don’t know, what’s the harm in buying just one more dimebag?