Popular Culture, Real Life

Top 8 Stupid Overused Sayings

8. “Everyone is special.” This nugget of something other than wisdom doesn’t even pass the test of basic logic. Being all-inclusive is explicitly contrary to the definition of being special. Don’t think about this one too hard otherwise smoke will start billowing out of your ears.

7. “You can be anything you want to be.” As long as you’re a white male born into an upper-middle class family in North America (not counting Mexico) or Europe. Otherwise, you have a 99% likelihood of following in the footsteps of one of your parents or possibly another close relative. The truth hurts sometimes, don’t it?

6. “Anything is possible.” Again, like #7, this one has a long list of prerequisites. It also fails the test of basic logic. As Homer Simpson once said, can Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that even he can’t touch it without being burned? These are the questions that keep me up at night…

5. “Practice makes perfect.” Unless you just suck. Some people are just hopelessly horrible at certain things. That situation will inevitably apply to you at least once (but probably several times) in your life. Maybe you’ve already experienced it. Maybe you’ll experience it (again) soon.

4. “Honesty is the best policy.” Yeah, unless you want to be successful in any sort of business or (especially) politics. Hard mode challenge: name a successful person (worth at least $100 million) who has absolutely no public evidence of being anything less than completely truthful. Hell, even you Bernie Sanders fans out there might huff and puff if you look into his past and how it conflicts with the policies and history of the Democratic party.

3. “You get what you pay for.” Sometimes true but more often not. It’s much more likely that every single financial transaction that you partake in involves you getting screwed by at least one other party, if not multiple. It’s like those coupon books supposedly worth $10,000; they don’t tell you the part about how you have to spend $250,000 to get that $10,000 in so-called savings.

2. “It will all work out in the end.” Well, technically this one is true, depending on your perspective. As long as you understand cosmic forces and entropy, you can’t help but agree with this statement on scientific grounds. However, most people say this in relation to interpersonal problems and other superficial bullshit. Not only does that not matter but it’s very likely that this statement does not accurately apply to your dramatic crap.

1. “The best revenge is a life well lived.” Strongly disagree. The best revenge is a swift curb stomp with steel-toed boots. It’s just that violence like that tends to result in various problems for the perpetrator, legal and otherwise. Even if you go for the live well lived angle, you need to find some way to rub that right in the face of that asshole you’re getting revenge on.

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